Being an adult is not always easy. I don’t know about you but when I reached my adulthood I was so lost and I had no idea where to turn or what to do with my life. Apparently we are supposed to be prepared somehow, probably by our parents, for what it is to come after we turn 18 years old. We should know by then what we want to do in life, which path to follow and most importantly we should have an idea of who we are.
I didn’t. None of the above. I was as lost as I could be. I am not blaming my parents for it. Maybe they didn’t know how to help me or maybe they just didn’t know they have to. Maybe they were too busy following a path of their own. I don’t know. Maybe I should blame them. But I don’t. What I did instead it was just moving along in life-like I had an idea of what I was doing. I was simply living because I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I wanted to go to university and be a psychologist but I didn’t go. Instead I went and study something that I hated and was really bad at it but guess what…I never finished my studies. Later, in my thirties, I went back to school and I have a diploma now, but it’s not like I feel more fulfilled because of it.
Turning 30 years old changed something in me. First of all, I had the party of my life, and surrounded with the people who loved me and that I loved, at that time, I felt that changes must be made. I could not just move on, blind, through life, on this path that I didn’t recognize as my own. So changes started to happen, slowly but surely, and a list is on my mind. I must share this because I want people, that feel trapped somehow, to know that it’s ok to feel lost, the important part is to start to know yourself and learn about who you are.
So here are a few things that I learned and improved my life since I turned 30:
1. I don’t like all people and not all people like me!
It took me a long time to understand that I don’t have to like everybody and that not everybody is going to like me. Both are fine! What is not fine is when somebody that doesn’t like me is mean to me. And so I started to say: STOP! Nobody has the right to bully you just because they don’t like you. So get used to the idea that people are different and if you don’t like somebody you can just walk away from that somebody and everyone is happy once again.
2. My favorite colors are turquoise and purple!
If you are one of those people who had favorite colors all their life, all I can say to you is : good for you! I didn’t know that I have, or maybe I didn’t have, favorite colors until not so long ago. I realized all of a sudden that these two colors attract me more than others and somehow they calm me. So I decided I will claim turquoise and purple as my favorite colors. 🙂
3. My passions include as many books as I can hold and…writing about them!
As a child I knew that I like reading and writing. I mean I started to read before going to school just because…and writing was one of my favorite things to do in school. But I didn’t really and entirely connected with these passions until I reached my thirties. You might ask why and I will tell you that I ask myself the same question. I guess that at that point I just kinda realized that my passions are important and that no matter what else I do in life I must fulfill that part of me in order to be able to reach some happiness. So now I own this blog, my Bookstagram and Twitter which are mostly with and about books and of course I have my everyday growing small library of which I will never get tired of. Having a book in my hands is like having a small piece of happiness. It’s hard to explain and this can mostly be understood by book lovers, which is why most people in my entourage don’t understand me. 😀
4. I am an introvert and I left the shame feeling outside of my life for once!
Growing up I was enjoying my time alone. I was always part of groups of friends but I felt lonely and misunderstood almost all of my life. After parties or gatherings I was feeling drained of energy and it was taking me days to recover. I never understood why I feel like I don’t belong nowhere. It was like I was doing my best to have friends but I was failing big time each and every time. I realized later on that I am an introvert and I am more of the lonely ones. I am ok on my own. I don’t need to be surrounded by people to feel good with myself, as a matter of fact when I am between people I feel self-conscious and I am always trying to say ”the right things”. I don’t hate people and no, I am not anti-social as I sometimes like to joke about, I simply prefer my time alone because I can be with my books and with my thoughts. I must say though, that when I am with people I give my best to them, because it is very important to me to be true to others so others can be true to you. ”Others” however, are not always true to you, but that is the part of life that sucks… 😛
So there it is. It is crazy how all these things were revealed to me after my thirties. It is like until that age I was just floating, I was here but not really, I was living my life but without a purpose and without knowing myself.
Are there any things that you learned about yourself throughout the years that you didn’t know before? Is there a specific time in your life in which you finally realized who you are?
Thanks for reading! Enjoy your day! … I’ll go and read some Cinder 😀 !