Happy Sunday to you all!
I’m here on my couch, vegetating (is that even a word? 🙄), like I’ve been doing a lot these days. It’s the holidays and I have 2 weeks off. I should…I don’t know…clean, do some outside activities, read…instead, the only time I get out is when I’m invited to some place. All the other days I’m just vegetating. And I don’t feel like doing anything else. Not even read, which is really sad. 😐🤷♀️
Lately I’ve met people that I feel are giving me signs to do stuff. To follow my dreams, to never stop and move forward. But I don’t have the energy to do it. These people that I’m talking about are talented people, with amazing gifts that can help with my motivation. I’ve been told that I’m on the right path, that I should let go of stressful situations, that I have some medium powers and that everything is exactly where it should be in my life. I’ve been told that the people close to me are part of my life because this is the way it has to be, that they are here to help me and guide me. While I believe in all these things, and I do know inside of me that I’ve come to this world to make some kind of change (not change the world necessarily, but do something more than just my 9 to 5 job) I can’t seem to move in any other direction but my couch.
Am I depressed? I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t have the energy to move and do stuff. I feel discouraged for some reason. I feel like I’m starting to lose myself again and like I’m starting to doubt the things that I thought I loved.
Take reading for example. I love to read, and I have so many books and no place to put them. From a reader people expect brilliance. People think that you know so many things about everything and that you are so smart. So why do I feel that all of this is wrong? I feel anything but brilliant and there are so many things that I don’t know, yet when I try to learn it it’s like nothing sticks to my brain.
I’m trying to figure myself out. And while I do that I feel like I’m letting down all people around me.
Will I ever get out of this black hole that I’m so deeply attracted to?
Thanks for reading!